Occupational Health Gimp: Hello, may I speak to Dr -er- Lee-ung?
R: This is me.
OHG:Lovely, right er - (in tone of great concern) how are you feeling?
R: What? Um - Who are you?
OHG: Occupational Health. From XXXX Hospital.
R: Oh, er - hi.
OHG. I'm calling regarding patient Gillywig, who you saw on the weekend. Do you recall this patient?
R: Um. Possibly. There were quite a few. Patients. On the weekend.
OHG: Ah, yes. Teehee. Well, Patient Gillywig has been diagnosed with the H1N1 virus.
OHG: Were you aware that this patient has been diagnosed with the swine flu?
R: Not really.
OHG: Do you remember this patient? To jog your memory, this patient had: cough, fever, muscle pains and joint ache.
R: Sounds unique.
R: Nothing. Maybe I remember them.
OHG: So when you saw this patient, did you: a.) wear a mask, gown or gloves?
OHG: b.) Did you stay a distance of one metre or more from the patient, at all times?
R: Well I did examine the patient.
OHG: So did you stay a distance of one metre or more from the patient?
R: Well, I examined them.
OHG: (triumphantly) So then you are a close contact of the patient.
R: If you say so.
OHG: (writing) 'Close Contact'.
R: So, um, what happens now?
OHG: Pardon? Oh, er nothing.
R: Do I have to get swabbed?
OHG: Oh, no no no, we're not doing that kind of thing anymore. The Department of Health no longer requires it, it's become such a common illness.
R: Well.. do you need to do anything else with me? Because um.. I'd better get on.
OHG: What? Oh, er, no. I just write down that I've talked to you.
R: And that's all?
OHG: Yes, that's all.